redefined – my gap year

Wow!  That first week went by incredibly fast!  As I expected my plans changed over the course of the week with the exception of planned appointments. But if you expect them to change is it really a change?

Starting retirement in the summer, is like starting vacation.  Actually this will be my first summer off in nearly 40 years.  That may sound a bit odd, but in my “first chapter” I was a student athlete, a gymnast and high jumper.  Yes – too tall for a gymnast and too short for a high jumper – but it was the beginning of me doing things that were contrary to the norm.  I see that much more clearly in retrospect and did not see it as courageous or ground breaking just following my joy.

Back to the first week – what did it feel like? what did I do? what did I learn?

I’ll start with what did it feel like – I guess the best way to describe the feeling is to think about how it feels when the last chill of winter is gone and the sun is shining on your face in a way that makes you want to turn towards the light, close your eyes and just feel the warmth in your heart.  I felt light.  The responsibility of my role done.  My commitment to the well being of the people on the team over, out of my hands.  It felt right – I am complete with my 29 year career.  That may sound awfully simple – but it really was nearly a year long process.  It was great foreshadowing that we had done a developmental session on change management. I definitely went through all stages – even though this was a change I wanted – it was still quite the journey.

What did I do – lots of transactional and staycation activities – lining up pension and benefits, updating apps and accounts – everything was on my work account as I was the type of person that did not separate the two worlds.  I have always seen it as simply my life.  Staycation type of things – my personal list of projects – spray paint the wicker chairs found at the flea market to match the other porch furniture, continuing to decorate the house from the move that is now 2 years old, as well as relaxation.  I breakfasted with my husband – a true joy.  Starting our day together – he is my best friend, greatest advocate and the person that sees the best in me even when I may not be able to see it in myself.  I read two books, swam, gardened, played with the grandkids, bought the poker table for guys night, had our second fire in the fire pit – and maybe one of the things that helps with the transition is staying connected to the people that I really want to – connecting on LinkedIn and Facebook, making sure my contact list is up to date and folks have my new email.

What did I learn – hmmmm – I had forgotten how much I enjoy my time when it is not over programmed/over-committed.  For the last three decades, I have been cramming all my activities in the 24 hours so that I could do everything I needed to do and wanted to do, but I am not so sure I was really able to appreciate all the moments.  I would have to say honestly – I did not live in the moment.  I was not completely oblivious to the here and now and would say I have been very happy with how I spent “chapter two”.  I will need to continue to explore what it means to move away from must do and should do to want to do.  I really need to challenge myself to think about the difference between personal accountability and responsibility and how that changes with life stages.

I also learned that without an idea of what you want to do can result in feeling very lost.  Before I retired I had a high level plan – spend time with my husband, family and friends; continue to learn and grow through courses, trying new things and gaining insights from others; enjoy my hobbies – gardening, photography, crafting, antiquing – not expensive – more junking and reinventing, yoga, walks with the dog on the farm.  Animals are still on hold – anyone who wants to share their farm stories would be welcome – looking for city slickers, suburbanites that started raising chickens, goats, sheep, donkeys, horses and one friend would not forgive me if I did not include an alpaca!  I was fortunate that I had a full year to work through my transition, to mentally prepare for the possibility of “chapter three”.

I think it will be a good month before I really feel retired – we’ll see!

Well here goes- my first post of redefined my gap year!  I’m not starting with many expectations of what this will be other than a journey of discovery.  I’m not even sure at this point what the discoveries will be or where they will lead.

I am what most people would call a classic type A, over achieving, micro-managing control freak. It has served me very well in my 29 year career in Petrochemicals.  I am a mechanical engineer who worked my way up through the organization to an executive level role. I loved my career- until I didn’t the last year before I retired.

I am a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a niece, an aunt, a friend, a coach and mentor, divorced, remarried, 51, 5′-7″, own a farm, love to garden, play with photography, party planning, novice baking and cooking..

I could add another 100 labels of what defines me as a person- but this is about exploring my heart -my passions. Each day I will reflect on how and where I spent my time.  It is an attempt to plan (remember control freak) my next chapter.  One thing I am already finding is chapters can be as long or as short as I choose!

My gap year, if it lasts a full year, is about deciding how to spend the most precise commidity- time.  Time is tricky- we never really know how much we have or how much time those we love have left.

so until tomorrow-